We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize