i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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