Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
