was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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