Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
