Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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