you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
