I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
