You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
