Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
