New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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