I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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