doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
