i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
