I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
