just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
