well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
