spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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