I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
