New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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