I can text with my tongue
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Less talking, more tequila
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
