I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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