u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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