I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
