i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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