Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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