we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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