Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
