just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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