So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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