I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
