how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
