Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize