My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
