Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
