i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
