i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
