A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The air taste purple.
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