Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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