It's like God shit irony all over that family
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
