i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize