I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
