If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Success! We fucked roommates!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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