you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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