Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize