But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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