i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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