so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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