CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
