Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
