tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
