Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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