i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
