Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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