then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
