I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
