as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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