Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
