by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
