You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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