also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
