Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
wow bdsm is so cute
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
