Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
