just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
